Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Quick, to the slutcave!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
