hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
