Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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