Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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