fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
