I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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