But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
