I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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