stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
