my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
pop tarts are not kleenex
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize