My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
