my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
