Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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