great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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