i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
