it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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