i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
