FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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