her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
