he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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