shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize