Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
