I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
