I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
