Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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