I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
