my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
