Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
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