Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
