He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
