is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
