The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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