I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
