Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
