i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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