ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
