And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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