:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize