Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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