What a fucking waste of an outfit
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
