Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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