thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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