Fine. I'll sleep in my office
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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