I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
