im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
