can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
