The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Blood and glitter go together right?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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