If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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