I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
