its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
A bitchslap is in order.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize