They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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