great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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