Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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