I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
