i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
