Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
