Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Pants are for mortals
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize