So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
