I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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