He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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