I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
50% drunk capacity currently
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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