I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize