Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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