So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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