They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
