We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
