Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
