we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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