You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize