You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
