Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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