Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
