I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
